This year I've thought a lot about walking away from the Church. No, not God. But my home church and the Christian community as a whole. While I have gone through days of doubting God or being angry at Them, I always fall back on the truth and grace I know through Christ.
However, my faith in the Church and other Christians is not as strong. The past few years I had my eyes beginning to open to the hypocrisy of many Christians. I began to recognize that they lie, abuse, steal, and basically, are flawed humans. I think that awakening was a good thing, not because I am glad that Christians do bad things, but because they Church should be filled with flawed people saved by the grace of God.
This year I was awakened to something different. This year I saw Christians quote Scripture to defend actions and people that went against everything Jesus ever stood for. I saw Christians not only take part in oppressive systems, but take the lead. I should have been more prepared for this, after all I studied history, I know that the Church was often a force for evil more than it was for the gospel. But I don't think I really felt it until I watched people that I had previously thought emulated Jesus hide behind a screen to viciously attack others. Or until I saw Christians defend sexual predators. Or until the Church stood silent while refugees were turned away to die. Or when life-long Christians at my Christian college spit at, cussed at, threatened, and bullied people who they viewed as less worthy of God's love. Until I stayed up until 3 am being told that God does not love unbelievers and sinners. Until I watched as the church I called home grew more and more hostile towards anyone they disagreed with. Until I heard Christians advocate for torture of gay people. Until I saw Christians be overcome not simply with fear, but with hate, towards women in hijab. Until I heard people say how pro-life they were in one breathe and then defend the shooting of unarmed teens the next.
I serve a God who loved the people They created in Their image so much that They sent Their only Son to die for those sinners. I serve a Savior who reached out to the marginalized. I serve a Lord whose prophets left a legacy of fighting oppression and injustice.
But I am a member of a Christian Church that supports all of the things their Savior preached against. Instead of all-inclusive and redeeming love the Church isolates itself, ostracizes others, and claims that anyone who has (in their eyes) sinned differently than them is irredeemable.
My faith in the Church is shaken. I know one too many women whose pastor said their rape was their fault. I know one too many gay kids who have been kicked out or abused. I know one too many Hispanic people who have been verbally attacked, threatened, or assumed to be a criminal simply because of their heritage. The list goes on.
The only reason I did not walk away from the Church was because I met the minority. I met Christians who lived the love of Christ. I found rare churches who fought passionately for justice and equality. Many of the people I knew who had been damaged by the Church, found refuge in the arms of God. So I will stay. I will stay because I love and am loved by a God bigger than hate. I will stay because fellowship is important to my growth in my journey with God. I will stay to support those who the Church has turned against. I will stay to try and change the Church.
I will stay. But don't for a second think that my staying means I agree with, or will tolerate any of this.
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