An Open Letter To My Uneducated Professor

This letter was written by one of my classmates and best friends after she discovered extremely racist comments on her professor's blog. When she commented on the his statements to him, she herself was racially attacked. The administration at our school has been supportive and the situation and individual have been dealt with appropriately, but she felt called to share this letter to inspire others who have faced similar oppression.

To My Uneducated Professor,

There are so many things that I wish to say to you but as I write this letter, but my mind goes blank on how to say exactly what I want.

When I read your posts on your blog, I see a white, heterosexual, educated, christian male who pretends to be colorblind. You believe that there is no race problem in America and anyone who disagrees with you is an imbecile or delusional, as if you (a white, heterosexual, educated, christian male) knows all there is about any form of oppression, let alone modern day racism. Who are you to say that racism doesn’t exist when you wouldn’t be able to recognize it if it hit you in the face. Oh wait…I’m sorry, it did and you didn’t even notice.

You have no right to talk about what racism looks like because you have not, are not and will never experience it. No longer does it appear as lynchings out in the field or blatantly segregated public buildings. It is being followed around a store at the mall while I am hanging out with friends because they are afraid i am going to steal (I am black so obviously that’s what I went to the mall to do). It is getting turned down for a job or housing, not because I wasn’t qualified (I had the same qualifications as the next candidate) but because I didn’t fit the image that they were going for. And for those who cannot figure it out, the person they were looking to hire wasn’t black.

It is our young men being expected to end up in jail not college. It is us, as young black women, to be expected to have lots of kids and lots of baby daddies with the drama to go with it. It is our men being stereotyped as mean, tough, calloused, violent and difficult. It is our women expected to have big boobs, a big butt and a tiny waist with long, pin straight hair. But we are called ghetto, loud, constantly angry with an attitude, unloveable and only good enough to be a “side hoe”. Modern day racism is the fact that our young men are being killed with little to no cause, little to no justification and instead of being punished for it, the police are protected and put on paid leave; let off with no charges and given pats on the back or high fives.

Being black in America is hard not only because of the systematic setbacks or the constant flow of microaggressions but because people like you feel like you have the authority to tell me and my fellow melanated sisters and brothers how to feel about the way the world actually treats us.

I say all of this to say that I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me a wake up call and showing me that people like you still exist in this world. I like to surround myself with people who understand and/or can empathize with my struggle and sometimes I forget that my job as an activist is not done because I found people who get it, who get me. You have reminded me that the world is far from where it should be. You made me realize that I have a lot more people to prove wrong and I look forward to it, starting with you!

Sincerely,

Your Oppressed Student

Speak Up For Unity

originally posted November 7, 2016

This Saturday a neo-nazi white supremacist group held a rally at the state capital building in Harrisburg. At the same time, in a high school across town, an event called Speak Up For Unity was going on.

It was not a protest of the hate group's rally, but was instead focused on cancelling out all hate with unity, equality, and nonviolence.

I had the privilege of attending with a group of friends the Multicultural Council at Messiah College. It was such an incredible experience.

People of every age, from babies to grandparents, with skin in every shade, from different religions, different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, different political beliefs, different socio-economic levels, different education levels, and different level of privilege and oppression joined together to share community. As soon as I walked up to the school I was taken up in a bear hug by one of the coordinators, who was thrilled that students cared about unity. We sang "We Shall Overcome," listened to spoken word poetry that moved my soul, watched the performances of dancers and drummers and, most importantly, we were reminded of the importance of diversity.

Yesterday I was a part of an extended family . Yesterday I was able to stand up against racism, not with more hate, but with love. Yesterday we were unified, brothers and sisters standing together. I am so grateful that I had this opportunity. I am so grateful that I go to a school that sees the importance of speaking up against injustice and of celebrating diversity and equality. I hope that I can live every day reminding myself of God's love for the world, regardless of race, and of the importance of being unified.

I've Found My Drug

Today I realized that I have an addiction. My drug increases my heart-rate, it compels my mind, it leave me high for hours after.

My drug is discussion. Not small talk about the weather. Real honest discussion.

Let's debate about politics. Let's challenge each other's religious views. Let's push each other towards intellect. Let's feed of the energy of each other's passions. Let's combine facts and opinion and form conclusions about the world we live in.

This is my high.

The moment when you are in such intense discussion that the whole class skips lunch to continue the seminar. Or when a professor challenges your statement and then say "Don't stop. Keep thinking". The time when friends really challenge one another to expand their world view; or to defend it.

I don't love this because I'm always right. In fact it's the opposite. I love when I'm wrong. Because it is when I am wrong that I learn. I want people to point out the fallacies in my logic, to tell me facts I didn't know, to introduce me to their passions, and to make me question what I took to be the correct opinion when it might just be an opinion.

And I hope I can sometimes play the same roles for others.

This is an addiction I hope I never lose. I pray that people continue to challenge me intellectually, emotionally, spiritually. I pray that I never lose the courage to challenge others. And most of all I pray that I will keep an open mind so that when I am proved wrong it generates change in me rather than falling on deaf ears.

Happy Birthday Mom

Let me tell you guys about the most amazing person in the world. Stacie Ann Rockhill, my mom, is the strongest woman I know. She shines light into the lives of everyone around her and rarely asks for anything in return. She has overcome so much in her life and uses all of her trials and blessings to bless others.

Mom is incredibly smart and she gave me my love of learning. She loves God and people with a whole heart. She is full of compassion, gratitude, empathy, strength, and independence. She is passionate about the Earth, about her heritage, and about service. She cries at everything, a trait she got from my grandfather which I inherited from her. My mom is full of life and energy and I hope I become half of who she is.

She loves to laugh and hike and be with her family. She loves children and crafting. She gives the best advice and the best hugs. 

Today is her birthday. She is another year young and I wish I was there to celebrate with her. 

Mom is my role model. The greatest compliment I've ever gotten was being told that I was like my mother. 

Mom- I hope you have an amazing day because you deserve it. I love you to the moon and back. Happy Birthday

Welcome To The World

This is a spoken word poem written by myself and my best friend. We share our personal experiences not only to show how far we've come but to let others know they are not alone. TRIGGER WARNING! If reading about depression, loss of a loved one, eating disorders or similar topics will upset you, please do not read.

Welcome to the world little girl

You are in first grade and you want to be a race horse jockey when you grow up

And your best friend lives right around the corner

And life is so simple

But it won’t stay this way for long. no.

This year you will get on the bus and you will be punched for the first time

You will be called fat, and ugly, and stupid

Sam will be changed to Spam and Spam will be changed to Ham because

You’re so fat you might as well be a pig.

Middle school, welcome to the beginning of Hell.

You wake up in the morning to look in the mirror,

And say "this is me."

You compare yourself to what you think you should be.

"I'm fat." "I'm ugly." "How could his be?" "Why would God ever do this to me?"

You put on some make-up or some acne-cream,

To cover the blemishes that others can see.

Although it doesn't matter what others see,

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

But the beholder is me.

In middle school you are going to hate yourself

You won’t even be able to look in the mirror because you are

Too ashamed of what you’ll see

So you’ll walk around school sucking in your gut and praying.

Praying that no one will look at you

And praying that someone will notice you

Next thing you know you're fourteen,

You wake up in the middle of the night to find out your best friend is dead.

Soon enough you start holding a needle to your wrist just so you could feel something again.

Lonely, empty, numb,

The word "alone" begins to look more and more like "home."

You see the pain as a gift because you deserve it.

You master the fake smile,

That way even those who care about you the most won't see the pain within your eyes.

Jr. High

Welcome to hell.

You’ll always be sad and you won’t know why

But the sad won’t really be sad, It’ll be more like mad.

Or maybe lonely

But there’ll be no word to describe it because

You haven’t felt anything like this before

And You will choke on your loneliness even when

You are surrounded by people who care about you

You’ll learn to smile with your mouth

But not with your eyes.

Because your eyes will be the windows to

A broken soul

You won’t understand what depression is but

You will be suffocated by the darkness you feel

You are

Numb,

Nothing,

Empty

Empty like your stomach because at fourteen

You will decide it’s better to be thin than it is to eat

On the inside you're SCREAMING,

SCREAMING from the pain,

SCREAMING to be heard,

SCREAMING hoping someone will notice and care enough to break down your walls.

And you’ll stop crying

And you’ll stop praying

And you will push away everyone who wants to help you

And you’ll sit in your bedroom

Holding scissors to your wrist

And wishing you had the strength to do it

Because you just want to

FEEL SOMETHING

Eventually you just STOP.

You stop crying,

You stop praying,

You stop fighting the pain because you know you'll lose every time.

These will be your lowest years

But they won't last

Time goes by and you learn to love yourself,

You learn to take your trials and make them blessings for someone else.

You no longer feel powerless and lonely,

But strong and wise.

In high school

You’re going to learn who you are

And who you want to be

You are going to be healed by the Savior you tried to hide from

And learn to see yourself through the eyes of Christ,

As someone who was fearfully and wonderfully made instead of a mistake

You're going to find love

And learn to love yourself.

You’ll be warmed by the sun

And by the joy in children's faces

And you will find confidence as you become the woman you were created to be.

The emptiness will be replaced

By the love

Of a heart strengthened by faith

You know what you want and who you want to be,

You are driven and strive to achieve greatness.

Someday you'll be eighteen years old

Still growing

And changing

And evolving

And there will be a whole world in front of you

And you will no longer be afraid to face it

By the grace of God you are set free.

5 Lessons My First Breakup Taught Me

1. Be obedient.

When I was questioning whether or not to end the relationship, I prayed for God to give me answers. I was hurting and didn't know what to do. I soon realized I knew what God wanted me to do, but I was resisting obedience because I didn't like the answer. Once I trusted God and ended the relationship, yes there was incredible pain, but there was also unexpected blessings. And if you don't believe in God, then be obedient to your conscience.

2. Emotions come in waves.

I could be totally fine and content one day and the next be furious, or mournful, or lonely. My feelings came at unexpected times and in unexpected waves. But I learned to expect the craziness and deal with my emotions in a healthy way (most of the time).

3. I am not responsible for anyone else.

I cannot stress this enough. I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness and neither are you. For so long I felt so guilty for hurting someone I loved, but I now realize that a person should never feel guilty for making a decision in the best interest of themselves and others as long as they acted on that decision in as mature, kind, and respectful way as possible. Once they have done that, their responsibility is gone, and they should not feel responsible for the feelings of another.

4. Support systems are everything.

My family and friends held me together when I completely fell apart. They gave advice, held me, distracted me, wiped my tears, listened to me, prayed for me and gave me my favorite foods. I hope everyone out there has a support system of loved ones, whether they are friends or family or mentors. Find at least one or two people that have your back no matter what.

5. Let the past go.

This one was probably the hardest for me. I wanted to cling to my past so strongly. I wanted to hold onto the good and the bad and the love and the hurt. But dwelling in the past can hold us back from living in the present and looking towards the future. So my suggestion for letting go would be first, forgive. Don't hold any bitterness in your heart. Give the past to God. Put the mementos in a box or get rid of them, spend time finding yourself. Breathe. And LET GO of the past.

This journey of moving on is far from over. I am sure that there is still a lot of learning and growing in my future. I write this in part as a reminder to myself, to help myself heal and in part so that anyone experiencing a breakup might learn from my experiences and avoid mistakes that I have made.

An Open Letter To My Amazing Mom And Dad

The things I wish I told you more.

Dear Mom and Dad,

This week I'm leaving the nest. I'm excited and nervous and prepared and terrified and thrilled to begin the newest chapter of my life. Thank you for getting me to this point. I'm incredibly blessed that God put me in the family he did.

Dad, you have been my rock, my model for the way a guy should treat me. You were the one who taught me to use power tools and who told me I looked beautiful before every Daddy Daughter dance. You held me when I cried and made me laugh at all those jokes I swore weren't funny.

We had long talks about everything when you dropped me off at my first job. You introduced me to Doctor Who, NPR, the stock market, and Christian podcasts. You battled your demons and helped me to battle mine. You baited my hook for me, threatened to scare the boys away, and gave me the freedom to be our crazy goofy selves.

Mom, you are who I aspire to be. You are kind and gentle and strong. You taught me about forgiveness, tolerance, and love. You gave me the best advice. You taught me to ride a bike, curl my hair, and cook. You encouraged me in everything I tried. You coached me in basketball and taught me to swim. You helped me pick out my prom dresses and my first tattoo. You took care of me when I was sick.

You fought the battles I wasn't brave enough to fight with the ferocity of a mamma bear. You taught me chemistry and geology. You showed me what kindness is. You have always put the needs of others before your own and I hope some day I can have a heart like yours.

Thank you mom and dad for holding me up when I fell down, for throwing me into the deep end, for wiping my tears and easing my fears. Thank you for giving me safe, comfortable home and for pushing me outside my comfort zone. You always said you hoped I would have roots to keep me grounded and wings to fly and leave the nest, and you have given me those things in abundance. Thank you for sharing your passions with me, and for supporting mine. For all of your sacrifices of time, money, sleep at night. For the countless times I needed to rant about things that don't matter in the long run. I'm going to miss you, but I also know you are the reason I am prepared to leave. I love you both so much. I can't wait to see you. And in the meantime I promise to be a good listener, to make good choices, and to have a good time.